ArticlesMy political advisors tell me that I am not allowed to comment on the rumours that I am planning to run for the position of President of Australia. Apparently, it would be better to launch the campaign once Australia has become a republic first.
However, I am permitted to clarify some of the basic tenets of the platform upon which I would run.
Current laws require emergency exit signs to be erected in large buildings. However, it is not unusual to find those doors to be “alarmed”. (Must… not… make… pun…. It’s… unpresidential…)
If I were to become president, these signs would need to identify both the emergency and non-emergency exits, so you can easily find your way out of large retail establishments when you have had enough of school-holiday shopping crowds.
Comment by Julie Lawrence on July 25, 2008
And when *I* become President, I’ll insist that the doors for “emergency exits” are more specific about what, exactly, constitutes an emergency. I mean, if I’ve just glimpsed an ex of mine with his/her really attractive new partner, and I’m wearing my oldest trakkie dacks and a haircut from hell, does that count as an emergency? (Of course it does, but I’d like the sign to at least confirm that for me). What about if I *really* need to use a bathroom, and none of the ones in the centre have little windows so I can see who’s on the other side, thus necessiting a hasty trip home?
I think some clarification is in order.