OddThinking

Memo

To: All of the airline passengers of the world.
Re: Baggage Collection, Process Clarification

Dear Fellow Passenger,

The following instruction is simple, and should be carried out with immediate effect.

When you are waiting for the carousel to distribute your luggage, please take three steps backwards. You should stand at least two metres (seven feet) from the carousel.

The effect of this small procedural change is expected to be dramatic. Everyone will still be able to get their luggage, without additional delays. Everyone will get a better view of the carousel, to see all the luggage. More people will fit in the perimeter. Most importantly, people like me will be able to get their luggage without unnecessary shoving and smashing your knees and shins with the luggage. Thus your trip will be a little more pleasant.

You will be able to detect who the people like me are fairly easily.

We’re the people still seated in the airplane as it comes to a stop while you are elbowing your fellow passengers in a futile effort to shave a few seconds off an long flight.

We’re the passengers who once we eventually alighted from the plane, took the opportunity to visit the bathroom unencumbered with bulky luggage, and then wandered over to negotiate the hotel shuttle before the rush.

We finished all that before we sauntered over to the baggage claim area. That’s where we find you, standing uncomfortably with one leg propped up on the edge of the still-stationary carousel – some sort of pathetic display of claim over the prime carousel territory.

I sometimes wonder if we’ll ever get to the point that alpha baggage-claimers feel the need to complete the whole leg-cocking procedure. Wouldn’t I feel foolish if my recent trip to the bathroom meant I was unable to squeeze out enough drops to collect my bag?

Thank you for your compliance with this simple request. Have a nice flight.