ArticlesMy previous story about accidentally insulting a colleague reminded me of another incident that occurred a few years ago.
My partner at the time was completely uninhibited about swearing in every day conversation.
I didn’t find it offensive, but I was a little bit worried about devaluing the currency. If you use “fuck off” as a general every day term, then what is left to say to indicate you are really angry or upset? Of course, human creativity will always lead to more imaginative swear words, no matter which words you manage to ban or permit, but who’s got time for creativity when you are angry or upset?
We found a happy compromise. It was perfectly acceptable to amiably tell each other to “fuck off”, so long as you suffixed it with “Sweetie” to show there was no hostility or passion behind it.
So a conversation at home might go along the lines of:
“Hey, I’ve just had a great idea. Even though it is my turn to cook dinner, and you did it yesterday, why don’t we be spontaneous and let you cook again today? Isn’t that a great idea?”
“Fuck off, Sweetie.”
I thought the system worked particularly well, even if we did get odd laughs from our friends who overheard. Certainly, if we were arguing, the pregnant pause after the words “fuck off” carried quite a punch.
I discovered the down-side at work one day.
We were discussing the organisation of a work social outing, and one of my female coworkers made a suggestion that I felt wouldn’t gain a lot of support from the workforce.
Amiably, and with brain disengaged, I retorted: “Fuck off, Sw-” at which point my brain clutch suddenly dropped and it screeched off squealing “Shuddup! Shuddup! Shuddup! Shuddup! You’ve just told a coworker to fuck off; you can recover from this. It won’t be overnight, but it will happen. However, you finish the sentence and call a female coworker “Sweetie” and you’re dead-meat!”
I think the moral is “When you devalue the currency of swearing, you have to beware of the fucking exchange rates” …or something.
Comment by Aristotle Pagaltzis on June 12, 2006
:)
Comment by Alastair on June 12, 2006
I reckon there’s a good case to be made for some kind of swearing fiscal policy, wherein the supply of new and offensive words is increased. After the F and C words have been devalued by common usage, what else is there?
I’m in favour of resurrecting the archaic “quim” which was so offensive that it fell into disuse and is now more likely to cause confusion than offense. Unfortunately it doesn’t have the phonetic qualities that make the F and C words so satisfying to use.
But the only other alternatives are made up swear words like you hear in science fiction movies.
So I don’t fucking know.
Comment by Sunny Kalsi on June 12, 2006
I made the decision one day to thank my mum for cooking food. It was a good habit to get into, I thought, considering that she actually cooked the food, and I should show my appreciation, despite the fact that I was clearly going to be doing this as a force of habit.
It worked quite well, despite the fact that sometimes my dad would cook, because even if I still said “Thanks mum”, I could always add “and dad” because usually one would do the cooking and the other would do the serving. Even if not, I could somehow reason out that I’m generally thankful to mum for generally doing the cooking… or something.
One day I was at a friend’s house, and his mum served my dinner. Instinctively I said “Thanks mmm…” Unfortunately, I had a bit of a “u” in there, so it still sounded like “Thanks mum”. I tried to fix it by “Thanks mummm… mrs Singh” but it was too late.
In conclusion, it isn’t just swearing that could fuck you up, but also being overly polite.
Comment by Cassie on June 13, 2006
It’s not just swearing, or being overly polite – it’s anything that you’re in a habit of saying on a regular basis to a particular person.
I was living with my sister and her boyfriend for a few months. She would call her boyfriend “baby” a fair bit, her tone indicating her mood. One day, I did something that annoyed her, so she yelled at me “BABY! I mean CASS!”.
So I think the moral of the story relates to the dangers of saying anything without your brain engaged.
Comment by ferryman on August 23, 2006
Since I am a new reader of Julians oddities and a polite man, I would start off my first comment with a little “hello” to everyone:
-hello, everyone.
Now than: My workplace is on a ferry (hence the nick ferryman) traveling the seas between Norway and Denmark. As one would imagine, ferries and ships often develope unique enviroments and relationships among the crew. We have a tendency to use more foul language and raw (morbid) humour than most people on land.
One example is as follows: One summer-morning in 2002, I went to the ship’s messhall to eat breakfast, as I usually do every morning. Entering the messhall, I saw one of my colleagues was already sitting at a table, finishing her meal. Being as polite as I am, although still tired and trying to clear the well-known “rust” out of my vocalcords, I muttered a silent “good morning”. At this time I was sure she had seen/heard me and therefore I expected at least a little nod in return. As she failed to react to my polite greeting, my brain instantly switched to “foul-language-and-raw-(morbid)-humour-mode”. This led to the instant dissapearence of the “rust” on my vocalcords and I shouted the norwegian equivalent of “GOOD, FUCKING MORNING!” at her. Of course, beeing a part of the enviroment I mentioned earlier, with the ability of quickly reacting to unexpected situations, she instantly shouted the norwegian equivalent of “GOOD MORNING, GODDAMNIT!” back at me, resulting in us breaking out in laughter. We laughed so hard that I dropped my full plate of breakfast to the floor and she lost her ability to keep her half-chewed food in her mouth…
Ever since, when we meet in the mornings, we greet eachother with a little “good, fucking morning” and “good morning, goddamnit”. This is just one of the things that makes working on a ship especially rewarding.
Getting to the point: As mentioned, this episode occured about two years ago. Last month, my good neighbour and friend invited me to spend a weekend with him and his parents in their summer-cabin. I axepted and looked forward to a couple of relaxing days in the middle of the Norwegian wilderness. The first morning in the wild, I woke up early, refreshed and smiling. As I was in the middle of the morning-coffeemaking, my friend’s mother came out of her bedroom, also looking refreshed, with a smile on her face. Me and my colleague had obviously devalued (or is it devaluated?) our unique way of saying “good morning” and without giving it any thought, I greeted her cheerfully with the most pleasant voice (in norwegian): “good, fucking morning”.
After 4 hours of explaining to her and her husband the ways of life onboard the ship, and that I did not have bad intesions or manners, they let me off the hook for the weekend, although I don’t expect a new invitation from them any time soon.