OddThinking

It’s not Tales From The Interview quality, but here is one of my job interview stories…

I had just finished my post-grad studies in Queensland, was looking for a job and an old colleague had got me an interview where he now worked.

First, there was a technical interview. The Tech Lead explained that he had just been asked to talk to me, but didn’t have any particular questions planned. Uh oh.

So, he decided to chat about what he knew best – the architecture for the system they were building. Ugh, how can I demonstrate my skills when he is doing most of the talking?

He explained that they had a working first version, and now they “just needed to add security”. Ugh; introducing security functionality to an existing system isn’t exactly a fun exercise.

He went ahead and described a text-book architecture for distributed access to a common database. I knew it was a text-book example, because I had studied it in class just a few months earlier at university.

“Oh,” I asked, “How are you addressing the issue of long-term transactions having out-of-date data when they acquire their write-lock?”

“I’m sorry?” he asked.

So, I explained one of the weaknesses of that architecture. He became goggle-eyed, suddenly understanding the implications of some updates being lost. I detailed a couple of the possible solutions, and their weaknesses in turn, simply reciting what I had learned in class. He scribbled down notes furiously, while I mentally pumped my fist – I had aced this technical non-interview.

I obviously was given the thumbs-up technically, because I got to the next stage: a lunch interview with the company director, and his right-hand man, both of them Swedish.

The director was pleasant and was keeping the conversation fairly light as I pored over the menu – what would a senior software developer eat, that won’t get stuck in his teeth, and won’t spill on his unaccustomed tie?

I don’t know about his partner, though. Was it a Swedish-Australian culture gap? A deliberate good-cop, bad-cop interview technique? Or was he just a plain arsehole? Either way, he just came across as quite brusque and rude. I tried to handle it with aplomb.

We were discussing my extra-curricular activities. Quick! Quick! What did I ever do that could be given a positive spin? Ah, yes. I mentioned that I was a St John First Aid volunteer. They asked me more about that, and I explained most of my gigs were attending Junior Rugby League games.

That piqued their interest, because as recent arrivals to Australia, they hadn’t got their head around the game of rugby yet. I was unable to help much, because I grew up in a state where rugby wasn’t played, so it hadn’t sunk in with me yet either.

“As far as I can make out, someone throws you the ball, and then the entire opposition team run straight towards you and jump on you!” I laughed, “If I was playing, and looked up to see a bunch of thugs running at me, I would throw the ball to them, yelling ‘You have it! It’s all yours!'” I smiled.

“Oh,” said the right hand man, “so you are a bit of a coward, then?”

A slow second ticked past as I sat stunned. Did this guy really just challenge my manhood in a job interview? Could he really have been that rude? Was it a deliberate test? How the hell do I handle this one?

“Oh, no.” I spluttered, “I just like my risk-taking in a different form. I ride a unicycle, and have been recently learning to ride a seven-foot tall one.”

That sounds so lame to me now. It sounded so lame to me then, too. I’m not a coward because I ride a unicycle? WTF? But what was I supposed to say?

The director smiled with joy, “Oh, I used to ride a unicycle when I was younger!”

I found out that day that I am dexterous enough to mentally flip-the-bird at the rude guy and mentally fist-pump at the same time! I aced that interview, too.

It was a relief to receive a job offer from them shortly afterwards, and an even greater relief to turn it down.